Merchant Impossible
by residentkilla
Summary: After Leon wastes ammunition trying to waste a rodent he heads down to the local gun shop to purchase more only to find a familiar face running the place. Soon the merchant will admit his life long dream and Leon will do anything in his power to make it happen. (It's about time the Merchant got some more recognition XD)
1. Chapter 1

**Merchant Impossible.**

Leon Kennedy had faced many tragedies and met many people, but the one person he was most curious on was none other than a merchant he had met back in 2004 when he had to fight Osmund Saddler and rescue the president's bitchy daughter.

The government agent had asked himself many questions on his whereabouts. Did he escape the island, did he die in the explosion. This was unknown to the man, but little did he known that they would soon reunite and that the gun salesman would ask something from him that was way beyond anything Leon could ever imagine… but that won't happen yet. :P

(Dramatic Music)

**Chapter 1: Life today**

"LEON, HEEEELP!"

"Oh god, not this again."

The agent burst through Ashley Graham's door as quick as a tortoise and looked up at the girl who was now on her tippy toes screaming until she saw what she called her knight in shining armor. To be honest she didn't change a bit; same hair, same look, same clothes. Leon doubted she's ever grow up.

"LEON!"

"Where is it?" asked the agent.

"Under my bed!" The whining girl replied. "Get it out quickly!"

"Ugh, fuck my life." Said Leon while bending over to look under the bed.

Recently Ashley's father ran for president again, following the death of former president Adam Benford. Her father had dropped out of the White House a few months after his daughter was abducted by Leon's former partner, Jack Krauser. He felt that he wouldn't have to worry about his family getting put in a high stakes scenario if he wasn't in charge of the country. He and Ashley both knew that he would have met Saddler's demands if it had not been for the brave agent going in and completing the rescue mission. Having nothing to worry about now, Ulysses S. Graham, took this opportunity by the throat and held on tight until it stopped breathing. Ashley's father had won after the mysterious disappearance of his opponent, Fredrick Mccarthy.

(1 year ago)

**Presidential Debate**

Ulysses S. Graham sat in his chair as did Fredrick. The carpet had a pattern of Red White and blue. The audience sat in an aligned row, hoping to see someone throw a punch at the other. A woman with wrinkled white skin and greyish blonde hair was in front of the rows waiting for each candidate to answer every one of her questions. Her bold made both candidates sweat in their finest black suites. Every once in a while, Graham or Fredrick would loosen their ties to let some air brush them off.

"McCarthy, it's your turn to answer the next question."

"Thank you Melina. You see, if I become your next president I will guarantee you all a better future; not only for your kids, but for you too."

"Somebody punch someone already!" yelled one of the audience members.

The young man got what he asked for when the woman sitting next to him punched him unconscious.

"Thank you for that." said McCarthy happily.

"You can continue." Melina told him.

"So, many of you have asked, Do I have a plan for the future. The answer to that is NO, but I will-"

"Hold on a second. You mean you don't even know what you are going to do if you're elected?"

"Correctamundo."

"No offense candidate McCarthy, but don't you think that you shouldn't be qualified for this then."

"Nonsense! I'll come up with something."

"How exactly?"

"I used to be in an improve group and was very good at it, so I'm sure if I could make jokes out of nowhere then it would be easier to come up with something of the back as president."

The woman could see it now. McCarthy in front of many country representatives.

"_Alright, so there is a Mexican, a German, and an American on a boat."_

"…That's not how you get started. You're supposed to get nominated."

"I think you should leave Fredrick."

"Fredrick?" replied McCarthy in a confused tone.

"Yes, is there a problem?" asked the woman worriedly.

"This whole time I thought you were calling me."

"But isn't that your name?"

"No, but it sounded like it."

"And what is your name then?"

"Jonathan."

"Oh god" She said in an annoyed tone. "Where is Fredrick?"

"Over here!"

A security guard escorted the _real_ candidate to his seat as Jonathan left the area. Candidate McCarthy was well dressed indeed. The man currently wore a slender man tuxedo. His eyes full of life as was his tone. Whenever he addressed a question he would look into Melina's eyes with his own hazel orbs. He did not sweat a bit or felt any pressure at all with the crowd watching. The most Fredrick did to show a sign of _heat_ was scratch his wrinkled cheeks. When his time to speak was over, Melina gave Mr. Graham the chance to share his thoughts.

"So candidate Graham, what would you do to help stop illegal immigration in the United States."

"I grew up in the projects."

"... What does that have to do with this exactly?"

"My dad was a drug addict and he beat my mom and me."

"Mr. Graham I think you should… you know. Give us your answer on the question I provided for you."

"I lived inside a cardboard box. Our landlord kicked us out of his toolshed when we couldn't pay the bill on time."

"MR. GRAHAM telling us about your struggles won't get you anywhere close to victory."

"The white house is the only place I didn't think about smuggling weed."

The speaker's opponent got up from his seat and pointed at him. "Come on I should clearly win already. He's just making a fool out of himself unlike me! I spent seven hundred dollars on this suit just to show you that this event means a lot to me!"

"I spent one thousand on this suit." replied Graham in a very proud way.

"You didn't even give me a chance to mention the tax on my overalls." The man coughed very loudly like most people would when they wanted to interrupt. "The total was twelve-hundred dollars."

"The tax on mine was an extra eight hundred."

"Did I mention the shipping yet?"

"I'm sorry, but is either one of you going to take this seriously." asked Melina.

"The shipping was an extra six-hundred!" said Fredrick.

"Mine was a thousand!" replied a now competitive Graham.

"I ALSO PAYED TO HAVE IT IRONED FROM THE PLACE I BOUGHT IF FROM! THAT WAS AN EXTRA NINE-HUNDRED DOLLARS!"

"HE BUYS HIS CLOTHES FROM SWEATSHOPS!"

The entire crowd gasped at the revelation made by Graham on his opponent.

"Is this true?!" cried Melina.

"…THE HELL WITH ALL OF YOU!" he replied as he reached into his suit. He pulled out a black handgun and almost fired a shot before his opponent tackled him to the ground and repeatedly punched him. Fredrick knocked him off eventually and had him in his sights. He aimed his handgun, but the former president kicked it out of his hand and onto the ground.

Rather than running, the crowd stayed and watched in awe. This is what they had come to see in the first place.

Wages were being made as to whom would win.

"THEIR TAKING IT TO THE STREETS" shouted one of the civilians.

Both candidates were followed by the crowd who kept on cheering rather than stopping the fight. The competitors didn't give a damn on what was happening around them. Many cars swerved to try and avoid collision with the fighters, but flipped out of control and crashed into either other cars or nearby buildings.

After five minutes of fighting they reached the docks, where a giant luxury cruise ship was about to deport. In the nick of time they managed to walk upstairs and board the massive boat.

McCarthy threw a right hook only to be blocked by Ashley's father. He spun himself around while trying to pull off a cool move, but nothing happened. Graham then received an uppercut to his chin and fell back onto the wooden floor. The former president looked closely and noticed they were at the edge of the boat; giving him a brilliant idea. He got back up and moved his middle and index fingers back in forth trying to tell him to bring it on. Fredrick ran to him in hopes of diving and tackling the man, but it was countered when his competitor did a back handspring. McCarthy got stuck on the grip of Graham's leather shoes and was launched off of the boat and into the ocean.

Mr. Graham walked to the edge and looked over. Dozens of sharks surrounded a pool of blood and continued to tear the clothes of his opponent's. He took a deep breath and walked away slowly in his shredded overalls. Lucky for him, everyone else got out of the ship so no one saw a thing. In the end the camera was aimed at the sunset where the sharks were now leaving the scene. Out of nowhere a bloody hand sticks out of the water and clenches tight while shaking violently.

**(End of Flashback)**

"Leon, did you find it yet?!"

"Yeah! Oh my god look at him, he's so cute!" said Leon.

Leon reached for the rat to try and grab it, but was bit by it instead. "Ow! You stupid SON OF A BITCH!" yelled the agent while reaching for his firearm. "Enough games! Time to die!"

Ashley's hero fired multiple rounds at the mouse and missed them all. He released the empty magazine and replaced it with a new one. The tiny rat scampered across the room into Ashley's closet. Leon charged at the closet with all his might.

"WAIT LEON, DON'T GO IN THERE!"

The door had been busted open and inside was a shrine filled with many of Leon's photos and things. There was even a photo shopped picture of him in jeans that were cut to his thighs and lying across the hood of a red Ferrari wearing the jacket he had back in 2004. He had found it quite disturbing to find all of this here. The woman had even got to the point where she'd cut out pictures of her ex-boyfriends and replace them all with his. While the former rookie was being traumatized, the rat escaped the closet.

"Leon!" screamed the life sized Barbie.

"Oh, right."

In the end the agent managed to corner the rat. His eyes were full of hate and despise.

"You aren't escaping this time."

Leon aimed his weapon and fired his last bullet. The screen went white for a few seconds before coming back to normal.

"Ah, what the fuck was that!" was all he could say as he covered his eyes from the horrific flash. He looked at a now opened window window and saw the upper half of Krauser's beret before it dropped and disappeared from sight. Leon checked the corner again and noticed his furry foe was missing.

"Shit, it's gone and I'm out of ammunition. Now I gotta buy some more. Thanks a lot Ashley!"

Ashley's love life stormed out of the room without another word to be said.

**A/N: So tell me what you think. I just threw a couple of random things inside the pot and mixed it to create this. This will be a short fic about 10-15 chapters. For those wondering, it was Krauser who threw the flash grenade. There will be more Fredrick and President Graham fights. If you want to see a fight between two others then just leave it in a review. I can't say it will be a good one, but I will try. :l Little editing was done. Hope it makes it better.**


	2. Chapter 2: Strangah

Chapter 2: Strangah

There stood Leon in front of a gun shop; a two story high building taking up as much space as a Wal-Mart would and colored yellow. The exterior was decorated with a giant replica of a black desert eagle. On the gun, rather than the number you would usually find, it read "Strangah. Strangah, now that's a weapon."

Leon had good hopes on finding the right type of bullet, so without further ado he walked inside to take a look. His jaw dropped to the floor as he looked at dozens of shelves supporting any type of gun you could imagine. It was like stepping into the legal black market.

"Are ya looking for somthin' strangah?"

"Yeah, do you know where I can get some nine millimeter handgun ammunition." replied the agent while turning to see his questioner."

The man was tall, but slightly hunched over. His purple bandanna covered most of his lower facial features as his coat did the rest of his body. The eyes on him were red, but didn't seem menacing. To top it all off, he carried lime green backpack.

"Sure thing strangah, just follow me and don't forget to check out the inventory if you're interested."

"Will do."

On their way Leon looked side to side, checking out every guy the store had to offer. He also stared at some posters hung from the ceiling. One said "Back to school savings event! Our prices will literally blow your brains out!" Another read, "Our 12 gauge shotguns will blast the competition!" The final one stated, "If you didn't get it here then get the F*** out!"

"You look familiar. Have I seen you before."

"Oh, um… I was in… the movie…. Titanic! Ya know… Di Caprio."

"I fucking knew it." said the agent. "Can I have your autograph?"

"No."

"Oh." replied Leon looking disappointed at the ground as he held his empty autograph booklet out.

"Here we are strangah; any type of nine millimeter handgun ammo you couldn't find anywhere else. We've got explosive rounds, poison rounds, incendiary rounds… eh you know what I mean strangah."

"Oh crap!" said Leon surprised. "Only eighty-five cents? These prices aren't as high as I expected."

"Will that be pesetas or cows strangah?"

"…What do you mean?"

"Select a payment option strangah."

"But it says CENTS right there, not cows or pesetas."

"AAAh, I've been meanin' to throw that out, strangah."

Leon, sadly did not own either cows or pesetas at the moment, so he took out his phone and dialed president Graham.

"Mr. President, I was wondering if you could pay me in cows from now on."

"LEON! Where are you? I've been wondering where the heck you were at for the past five minutes."

"Sorry sir, but I'm at an ammunition sto-"

His sentence was cut short by the sound of glass breaking on the other end of the line. He could hear president Graham cursing to someone.

"Bring it ON! I beat your ass in both that election and our last fight!"

The agent looked at the phone a bit freaked out. He hung up the phone and looked back at the salesman.

"Is there another way I can pay?"

The merchant looked at Leon for a few seconds and started to giggle which in a few seconds turned into laughter.

"I see what must be done." said Leon in a low whisper. He began to sob as quiet as possible and slid out of his jacket; he then followed by putting his hands on the bottom of his shirt and lifting it. "Oh god why?"

"What the hell are ya doin' strangah?!"

"I always thought Ada would be the one to tell me to do this."

It did not take the merchant a single minute to realize what Leon was talking about.

"Oh, no no no no no. Ya thought I meant… oh no. Put ya clothes back on and I'll let ya keep a box of any ammunition alright."

Leon, only now in his black boxers, looked at the merchant shocked. "Oh… this is… awkward."

"What did ya expect? All ma customa's are lookin at yah."

This moment had been to disturbing for anyone to even laugh. The crowd pretended they saw nothing and returned back to their lives.

Now that Leon had his overalls intact, he walked out of the ammunition shop with his free ammo. He knew now the secret to getting bullets for his handgun for free!

He kept walking until he reached the White House where he saw one of the windows was shattered. Leon got inside and went upstairs until he reached the room with the window. The president's desk was broken in two and there sat the president with torn clothes, a black eye, along with multiple cuts and scratches.

"Holy shit! What happened here?"

"Nothing much, Thank god you were here though." said the president .

"I wasn't h-… um… yes of course." he replied.

**One hour ago**

"LEON! Where are you? I've been wondering where the heck you were at for the past five minutes."

The president's finest window shattered as a figure flew right in. It was none other than Fredrick.

"Bring it ON! I beat your ass in both that election and the last fight!"

McCarthy tackled Graham onto the table, but was picked up and power slammed into it forcing it to split along the middle. The president's nemesis got up by handspring and punched him across the face multiple times as he stepped forward and his arch enemy backed up. Graham caught the next one and drop kicked Fredrick out of the room. Both men continued their fight all the way to Ashley's room. The grown woman was inside her closet adding new things to her Leon shrine.

"Oh Leon, when will you see that we're meant to be together. If it weren't for that woman you constantly talk about then I'd be in your strong… manly… sexy… protective arms. Until then I guess I have to stick with this life sized poster of you.

She looked at her cut out being held up by a plank on the back. Leon's copy only wore black jeans and a brown jacket which was wide opened showing off its chest and perfectly carved abs. His face sort of had a small smile showing.

"What's that Leon? You want to be my Valentine and make out in front of that skank."

Behind her was a dart board hung up with Ada's picture, but with a devilish mustache and matching goatee. Multiple darts penetrated the photo.

"Alright Leon I'll make out with you!"

The smile on the cut out suddenly disappeared and was replaced by bright white eyes with no pupils. Little black lines ran along the bottom of his eyeballs as its mouth was wide open in horror.

Ashley walked up to the cutout and brought her lips up to its terrified face. As her lips only two inches away from a kiss, her father barged in fighting with Fredrick.

"DADDY WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!"

She was ignored by her father as he knocked the air out of his opponent. McCarthy jumped back up and grabbed Ulysses in a choke hold. The determined president put his hand under his enemy's legs and lifted up until Fredrick was off the floor. Afterwards he slammed him to the ground.

"I TOLD YOU DAD, WHAT ARE YOU- WAIT NO, GET AWAY FROM THAT!"

Her father grabbed her cutout and went back to Fredrick, who he now started to beat mercilessly with it up until he was sure his enemy couldn't move a single muscle. Pints of blood expanded across the room. He breathed heavily then looked at the good conditioned cutout unknown it was a… cutout.

"Thanks Leon. You really came through for me."

The president walked out dragging the body of his former competitor out the door and into the back of an orange truck. He hit the vehicle twice on the side and the truck took off to the junkyard, where the body was dumped. McCarthy's hand burst out of the trash he was covered in and shook violently as he clenched it into a fist.

Left behind was Ashley, who looked out the door her dad had walked out from.

"Well at least your still in fine condi-"

She turned back only to see the cutout was gone and her window wide open with the curtains moving with the wind.

**(Present)**

"If it wasn't for you agent Kennedy I had no idea what would've happened."

"It was no problem sir. Just doing my job and keeping you safe as can be."

Leon's phone rang again, so he answered. "Hello."

"Hello strangah."

"HOW DA HELL DID YOU GET MY NUMBER?!"

"Neva mind that. Listen I think I should show ya somethin'."

"What?"

"Meet me in the back of ma ammo store tonight at nine okay strangah."

"Sure I guess."

"Great, see ya there strangah."

**Many hours later**

"Hey are you here!"

A figure slipped out of the shadows behind a corner.

"What are ya buyin?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ain't that why you're here?"

"…You told me to come here."

"Oh yeah, sorry about that, it's just a habit."

"To call people to an alley?"

"Eh, no; to ask em' what they're gonna buy."

"But I don't want to buy anything."

The merchant face palmed and looked back at the agent.

"Not the point, but anyway I gotta tell ya something."

"Alright, go ahead."

The merchant sighed and placed his hands on his black hoody and gripped them. He slowly moved them back to reveal another hoody in the same color.

"HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE THE MERCHANT I MET BACK WITH THE ILLUMINADOS!"

"Indeed I am strangah."

"Wait, wait, wait! Why don't you ever call me by my name."

"Ya neva told me strangah."

Right then and there a customer walked past the alley with his wife.

"Gregg, Angela good to see ya" said the merchant.

Both just waved back and continued.

"Of course, that explains it! My name is Leon."

"Well Leon it's good to finally know your name."

"About time too; so is this all you called me for?"

"Er, not really strangah-"

"You already know my name."

"I'll call ya strangah."

"…Fair enough."

"Anyway I was wonderin' if ya wanted to grab a beer or two and catch up."

"Hell why not. I don't have plans."

**Inside the bar**

Both men sat at a bar with beers in their hands. Many people were stood up and clapped since it was dance your ass off Friday.

"Wow, so your backpack is actually a disguised jetpack."

"Yup. I escaped that Island as soon as ya left in the elevatah."

Leon looked to his side and saw a familiar woman sitting next to him.

"Claire?"

Claire turned around and saw her former Raccoon partner.

"Hey Leon."

"What are you doing here."

"You can ask my date." she replied in a depressed tone.

Next to her was the author.

"Waiter! Get me another shot of this stuff!"

"Hold on." said Leon. "Isn't he too young to be drinking?"

"Yeah! I thought he was asking me to babysit him, but then he brought me to this bar."

"Where is my order?!" shouted Carlos.

"Kid I think you've had too much of this stuff." replied the Bartender.

"Non-sence, NOW POUR ME SOME MORE!"

The waiter sighed the words "Fuck my life" as he poured Carlos another cup of Vitamin D milk.

"WOOOOOOH! NOW LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"

Carlos shot down the milk and stood up only to fall and completely pass out.

"Oh god why me?" Claire asked herself. "Does your friend there have a coat I can borrow so no one will see me dragging this clown back to his apartment?"

The merchant opened his coat and spoke up. "Got a selection of good things on sale strangah."

Claire gave some pesetas to the merchant and got a black coat. She covered herself up and dragged Carlos out of the bar hoping nobody else would recognize her. Leon heard a few familiar voices outside of the bar.

"Hey Claire." Said Jill

"How's it going little sis… who's this?"

"Giggity giggity, Gig-it-y."

"Anyway, what were ya sayin' strangah?"

"Oh yeah. Someday I hope to make that dream come true. What about you? What's your dream?"

"Um, nothing. It's not important."

"Oh come on man it's alright. I told you I always wanted to take ballet."

"Yeah, but mines kinda… silly."

"Come on already!"

"Alright, alright. I've always wanted to be a-"

**END OF CHAPTER!**

**LOL JK**

"Alright, alright. Promise me ya won't tell no one at all!"

"Promise."

"Okay. All my life I've always wanted to be a professional zombie slayah."

Leon looked at the merchant worriedly. "Wow… I kind of expected that you'd want your company to go global."

"And get framed for the next zombie apocalypse?! It happened to Umbrella!"

"Cause it was their fault."

"Oh."

"So why did you want to become that?"

"I guess it was all the movies strangah. You look at the main charactah and you're like, I could have survived a lot easier than this moron."

Now looking back, the agent could see what he was talking about. It was kind of true. He hadn't met anyone that didn't say that during a zombie film yet. He looked at the merchant and by the look on his face he could tell he really wanted this.

"You know what? I'm going to make it happen."

"What!? How?"

"If it hadn't been for you saving my ass with your overpriced weapons back in resident evil four then I would be dead as a doorknob right now! The very least I can do is give you an opportunity to live your dream!"

"Are ya serious strangah!?"

"Hell YES!"

The merchant jumped out of his seat and shouted, "WAHOOOO!" wanting to cry of joy.

"Thank ya strangah, you've made ma day and maybe ma whole life."

"The merchant ran out the bar shouting it out on the streets. "I'M GONNA SLAY SOME ZOMBIE ASSES!"

Now the only question for Leon that wasn't answered by the merchant was HOW he was gonna do it. There hadn't been an outbreak since Resident Evil 6 which was back in 2013! Now it was November 23, 2013. He knew he had to hope another apocalypse would happen or the merchant would be crushed.

**A/N: The merchant's secret is out! Will Leon make the merchants wish come true? UNTIL NEXT TIME! Oh I forgot to mention Leon's clothing. It's basically what he wore in Resident Evil 6 around the beginning. I also thought of the merchant wanting to become a rapper. If you guys would much rather prefer that then you can p.m. me saying so. Must be 5 or more p.m.**


	3. Chapter 3: Got room for one more?

Chapter 3: Got room for one more?

**BSAA RECRUTING CENTER**

"So this is the place?" asked the merchant enthusiastically

"Yup! Can't believe I didn't think of this sooner! There is always be an outbreak as long as Chris is in the BSAA!" replied Leon

Both men entered a small alleyway and knocked on steel green door. A man wearing a modern detective's hat and brown coat greeted them.

"You here for the stuff?" he asked rather quickly while looking in all directions

"Excuse me?" asked Leon

"You know… the *sniff*"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know; the white, the leaf."

"We're here to enlist my friend into the BSAA."

"Oh! The Best Smugglers Around Alleyways?"

"I think were at the wrong place strangah?"

"No kidding! Let's get out of here."

Leon left, but the merchant stayed to ask the dealer something.

"Umm, you go anything in that coat that can make me feel like there isn't a parasite living inside me?"

"I got just what you need" replied the dealer, who was reaching in his coat

"MERCHANT!"

"Oh crap. Sorry, gotta run."

The merchant caught up to Leon and they continued across the sidewalk towards the correct BSAA this time.

Really old elevator music played upon opening the door. Five other guys in their mid-twenties sat in their seats, waiting to enlist.

An elderly man rolled out of the recruiting office in his wheelchair shouting in joy.

"Woohoo! Heck yes! I'm in!"

"Next!" shouted the voice of Chris Redfield

One of the five young men stood up and walked in. Leon and the salesman took their seats and started a conversation with the remaining four.

"So, what brings you to the BSAA." Asked the agent

"My parents were killed by BOW's back in Raccoon city. I was only like ten, so I couldn't do much, but now that I'm old enough I decided to join. You know." Said the first male

"What about the other guys?"

"Same here." Replied the second

"I need the money." Said the third

"I want to meet Jill Valentine. For a thirty some year old she can still fry my gooses if ya know what I mean." Concluded the fourth

"Fourth guy, get out of here!" shouted Chris from his office

"Dammit!"

A young man walked out of Chris's office with a smile on his face.

"Next!" repeated Chris

"Come on Merchant."

"Hey we were here first!" explained one of the young males angrily.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember you on the cover of Resident Evil 4."

The man stopped his not so long argument with the agent and let him pass. On his way inside, Leon whispered something back to the future soldier.

"That's what I thought."

Chris Redfield was sitting in his chair on the other side of his desk, watching the two enter.

"Welcome to the BSAA recruiting center, where everyone that joins my squad somehow ends up dying in every freaking Resident Evil game."

"What's up Chris?"

"Nothing much; what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to enlist my friend in the BSAA."

"What convinced him; one of our commercials perhaps?"

**(TV Commercial Flashback)**

"DO YOU LIKE ZOMBIES?!" Shouted the narrator with an electric guitar playing in the background. At the same time it showed a clip of millions of zombies roaming the streets and feasting on the living.

"WELL NEITHER DO WE!" The camera followed a helicopter that landed in the middle of the streets. "THAT'S WHY WE FORMED AN ELITE GROUP OF ZOMBIE SLAYING SPECIALISTS TO END THE NIGHTMARES THAT HAUNT REALITY!"

The back of the helicopter slowly opened, revealing several men that stood in a badass pose while a bright light shined behind them.

"OH, HOORAY! The BSAA is here to help us!" cried a woman while being devoured by a small horde.

"OUR SOLDIERS ARE EQUIPPED WITH ONLY THE FINEST WEAPONS THE BSAA HAS TO OFFER!"

One of the men pulled out a bazooka from out of nowhere and blasted the horde that was feasting on the survivor. Another troop grabbed one handgun and a combat knife. He swiftly dodged the zombies bite attempts and shot them in the head. In one move, he plunged the knife into one of the flesh eater's heads and shot it off with his gun.

"THESE MEN ARE ALSO BUILT TO F***UP B.O.W's NO MATTER THE SIZE!"

"That's what she said." said another survivor with his last few breaths.

A T-003 busted through a building and confronted the soldiers. The men simply nodded to one another before running at the monster. The camera went back and forth, focusing on the troops and the T-003. In an epic moment, the screen went white and turned back to normal, showing the troops standing on top of their enemy with yet more badass victory poses.

"IF YOU WANT TO JOIN THE MOVEMENT TO END BIO-TERRORISM THEN ENLIST TODAY AND RECEIVE YOUR COMPLEMENTARY DEATH CERTIFICATE IN ADVANCED! JOIN TODAY!"

**(PRESENT)**

"Actually, my friend has always wanted to become a zombie slayer."

"Damn. Anyway, what's your friend's name?"

"…strangah." replied the Merchant

"Last name?"

"…strangah."

"…okay. Date of birth?"

"Classified."

"Huh?"

"Sorry, but I don't know my birthday."

"Oh."

"Do you at least know if you're over twenty-two?"

"I think I am."

"Good enough. Do you have any experience with any kind of firearms?"

"You wouldn't believe it, strangah."

"Hmm. We only need one more thing from you."

"What would that be?"

"Your soul."

The Merchant looked at Chris a bit freaked out.

"Are you serious?"

"Pfft! No. Just a signature agreeing that the BSAA is not responsible for any kind of emotional or physical trauma caused in the war field."

"Oh. Okay."

Chris slipped him a form which the Merchant signed and returned.

"Okay, you're good to go. Our first mission will be-"

"WARNING, WARNING, A BIO-HAZARD HAS BEEN DETECTED IN SOME PART OF THE WORLD! ASSEMBLE THE TROOPS AND PREPARE FOR YOUR FINAL MOMENTS… ALIVE!" warned the security system."

"Wow! The BSAA doesn't have it easy. By the way Chris, why did you hire that elderly man."

"Are you kidding me?! Why wouldn't I?! That man has a record on strokes, so if we ever get into a paddle boat we'll be prepared and according to his history, he has visited the medical room over one hundred times, so I assume he's got some experience in the medical field."

"Seems legit." replied Leon

"Hey Chris, I forgot to mention that I'll need to go with my friend here to help him out."

"Fine by me. We can use all the help we can get."

"Then what are we waiting for, strangah's?! Let's go!"

The three man ran out of Chris's office and jumped in the air, followed by the screen freezing.


End file.
